Some clarification for those not smart enough to get it: women are not talking about the problems in geek culture to ruin your stuff. We are talking about the problems because these problem affect us. It has nothing to do with you.
Imagine, if you will, loving something, say superhero comics, passionately. Now imagine every person that looks like you is treated less than well (if you’re not a straight, white, able-bodied male this may come easily to you). Would you be upset? Would you be mad that people who put this product out expected you to spend your money to be represented as nothing more than a prize, set-dressing, or a villain? Now imagine if you complained about the characters that looked like you were treated poorly only to be told by those claiming to be “real fans” that your issues aren’t important. They’re just complaints by a too sensitive minority and the real fans need to get back to discussing real issues, such as the debate over Superman’s red panties: silly or iconic.
And if I have to read another comment somewhere on an article talking about how women are represented in superhero comics, that helpfully informs women that women don’t like superhero comics, I may burn the internet down.
But maybe someone will listen to your concerns. They’ll try to empathize with you and your feelings. And then they’ll pull out the false equivalency. Yes, all the women are drawn for the male gaze, but men are all hugely muscular! As if being drawn as a sex object is the same as a power fantasy. You may be expected to prove you’re not a “fake geek girl“, but guys quiz each other all the time!
A pissing contest is different than a put-down, so we need to move past the false equivalencies if we are going to move forward. Everyone doesn’t get to be personally offended when the wrongdoing is targeted at a specific group. You can be offended that it is happening, but you can’t claim it is happening to you too.