GI JOE 3 Has a Writer

First off, I’ll just say it – I’m The Guy Who Liked GI Joe: Rise Of Cobra Better Than GI Joe: Retaliation. It’s me, I’m the one, I prefer Steven Sommers’ “yea, we know this is a movie based on toys and a cartoon, let’s run with it” world over Jon Chu’s attempt at realism in a movie where a guy wears a mirrored snake mask. I also think Retaliation is boring as shit, but maybe bringing new writers can fix that.

Lucky thing they’re doing just that.

It appears that a tradition is building in the GI Joe franchise, where each film gets new writers. Rise of Cobra was credited to, Stuart Beattie, David Elliot and Paul Lovett, though who knows which one of them did what. Retaliation was written by Rhett Reese and Paul Wernick. And while Chu is back for the as-yet-unnamed Part 3, the team behind Zombieland won’t be.

According to The Hollywood Reporter, Evan Daugherty will be taking over. ‘Who’s that?’, you’re asking. Well, he’s the writer who gave us Snow White and the Huntsman, the upcoming Divergent and a rewrite on the pre-loathed Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles film. It’s fairly easy to predict how fanboys will react to this news. He wrote a Kristen Stewart movie, something based on a YA book series and a movie that we all know will definitely rape all of our childhoods even though we haven’t seen a single still from it, what an awful choice!

Sort of like how that guy who directed the Justin Bieber movie and all those dance flicks would make something terrible. And I’m the only GI Joe fan that didn’t love it.

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Skott Stotland is a thousand monkeys in a man suit. He has been writing for the internet for over a decade.

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