Today In Give It Up Already News – Threequel Edition

There comes a time when one needs to just accept that something’s not happening and let it go. The dream is over, move on. Some people, however, never see it.

Dan Aykroyd, for example. He’s been talking about Ghostbusters 3 forever, and promising it’s in the works and really happening for a few years now. They just need this or that to fall into place (usually Bill Murray to sign on). And here he is again, in Esquire, explaining that it really, for real, is almost ready to go.

At this point, I think we’re closer than we ever have been. And because of the ever-shifting sands and nature of the motion-picture business, I will just say that hopefully, at some point, it will be morphing into what is known in the business as a [Aykroyd mimes air quotes] “production number XP39789.” Then I will begin to rent cars, get hotel rooms, and bill for writing. But that point hasn’t come. All my work has been gratis to this point, as Ivan’s has, and I’m hoping that I can get that production number set up in L.A. and help everyone bring the movie to fruition, as the originator and creator of the concept.

I just don’t even know what to do with this guy anymore. I think Homer said it best.

It’s not happening, Dan, let it go. There will be no Ghostbusters 3. Move on and create something else. You’re just making us all sad.

And then there’s the guy we all loved, who jumped the shark so hard it made his older works suffer retroactively. Kevin Smith.

Smith had been saying that his next movie would be his last (mostly because he’s tired of getting ripped apart by critics). That last film was going to be Hit Somebody, his hockey epic. It started out as a giant two-part story, which became one movie, now it’s going to be a TV miniseries. But if Hit Somebody isn’t a movie, then it can’t be his last film. And so Smith decided to go back to the well with Clerks 3.

I’ve long-held that Kevin Smith’s inability to move on from his early works has been his biggest problem. Every time he’s about to branch out and try something new he panics and puts out another “Askewniverse” movie instead (see his aborted Green Hornet for a prime example). It’s like he refuses to be anything but a one-trick pony.

Kevin, just stop. Please. Go enjoy your podcast empire and your terrible reality show. Even you need to realize that after Clerks 2 there is no one calling for more from this world.

Skott Stotland is a thousand monkeys in a man suit. He has been writing for the internet for over a decade.

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