Oh JJ Abrams, you and your damn “Mystery Box.” You’ll try forever to keep everything you can about your movies secret, but invariably something will get out. Like it has now, about Star Wars: Episode 7. A big something got out – the plot of the movie and just who Attack the Block‘s John Boyega’s playing.

We don’t generally run early rumor stuff like this at The Nerd Signal, because it so often turns out to be bullshit, but this comes from Badass Digest and they’re usually a site that can be trusted.

This is all stuff that will come out well before the release, but if you don’t want to know it yet turn back before the…


Badass Digest’s Devin Faraci is reporting that he’s heard from multiple sources the broad strokes plot of Episode 7, as well as certain details about the film.

Imagine the standard Star Wars crawl, and when it ends the camera pans up to the stars. But instead of a spaceship zooming into frame we see… a hand! A severed hand, tumbling through space. A severed hand gripping a light saber.


That hand falls onto a desert planet, where it is discovered by characters who will be our heroes. One is Daisy Ridley. The other is John Boyega, who is playing someone trying to change his path in life (again, I’m keeping it vague here). They recognize the light saber as a Jedi relic and decide to return it to the proper people.

In a second article, he explains that Boyega’s character is a storm trooper gone AWOL.

He goes on to say,

Their quest takes them off world, and they meet up with Han Solo and Chewbacca, who aren’t flying around in the Millenium Falcon anymore but are piloting… well, that could be a spoiler. I’ll leave it. Anyway, Han and Chewie recognize the light saber as Luke’s, and they say they haven’t seen their friend in thirty years, since the events of Return of the Jedi.


So begins a quest to find the missing Jedi Master. Meanwhile, on an ice planet, nefarious forces are building a super weapon, one capable of destroying not planets but entire solar systems…

There’s certainly a lot to unpack here, most notably the call-backs to the original Star Wars. You have someone (or in this case, two someones) who want to get off their desert planet but aren’t sure how (down to thinking that life in the Imperial military is the way to go) until a chance encounter with a light saber sets them off on an adventure where they meet Han and Chewie and have to stop an evil super weapon. Hell, Boyega’s character even echoes Han’s EU origin.

JJ Abrams sure does love his nostalgia. But Faraci is quick to point out that “things that seem familiar may not be as familiar as you think – don’t assume that every ice or desert planet in the galaxy has already been visited, if you know what I’m saying.”

Beyond that there are the weird questions that are going to keep the nerds talking for months. Why haven’t Han and Luke talked in 30 years? Is this Luke’s hand from Bespin or is he really just so bad a fighter that he lost another hand? Why is a light saber a “Jedi relic” when the Clone Wars were only a little over 50 years ago?

What do you think? Does this sound good to you? Awful? Too familiar? Or are you just too happy about the new X-Wing Abrams showed off in the latest charity video to be bothered by such things?

star-wars-episode-7-x-wing(click for bigness)

Skott Stotland is a thousand monkeys in a people costume. They have been writing for the internet for over a decade.

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